If It Ain't Broken -Use It Or Lose It

 Perhaps it's my advancing age.  Perhaps it's my disability.  Perhaps it's something new happening to my health of which I'm unaware.   I'm experiencing distressing changes to the ability which I had regained after my injury some --what is it now-- almost twenty years ago.

That April long ago, I went to bed with a severe backache.  My family doctor had recently given up his practice so I went to a walk-in clinic and was prescribed a muscle relaxant, if I remember correctly.  Several days later I woke up I woke up in bed unable to move my legs.  I had developed a bacterial (Staphylococcus aureus) abscess on my spine (~T-5 - T-7) which robbed me of the use of my legs. 

Surgery was followed by a six month stay in a rehabilitation center where inexplicably I was discharged just as I began to regain some movement in those legs.  Perhaps it was my own fault; the atmosphere in that facility was so negative that I was afraid to mention movement in fear of my hopes being shot down.

Physiotherapy elsewhere helped me to regain my strength and with the use of leg braces I was able to toggle down the hallway using a walker.  Little more could be regained and soon I was discharged having used up all the rehab time allotted to my condition.

I returned to finish my career and during that time I joined an upscale fitness facility which had equipment I could independently utilize.  While I believe that effort was responsible for prolonged improvement in movement and flexibility, equipment soon began being replaced with models I could no longer employ.

Soon after, I retired and--and I coasted.

By coasting, I mean utilizing my remaining ability through everyday chores and activities.  My theory was that if I continued to use what motion I had to the fullest extent and on a continuous basis, I would retain that movement for my remaining time on this earth.  I no longer believe that to be the case.

Perhaps you might still get some use out of a broken tool by gluing it, taping it or welding it, you would never again have the confidence in it, nor would it ever function as well as previously.  Glue softens, tape lets loose and welds can crumble.

Perhaps the first evidence of my ability beginning to crumble came in April of 2022. 

On the last week of March of 2022, during the height of the Covid pandemic, I was able to step into our family van for a trip to my dentist's office for my bi-annual checkup.  One week later, on the nights of April 7th and 8th, I experience tremendously painful spasms in my right thigh which attempted to contract the muscle to where anatomically not possible resulting in a severe sprain.  The explosive spasms from hell repeated the following night and had me yell out in pain repeatedly - robbing me of sleep both nights.  Then they inexplicably disappeared just as mysteriously as they had first appeared.  However, I found I no longer had the strength--the tautness--in that leg to allow me to climb upwards into the van.  I've not ridden in it since.

During the Winter (2024) to Spring (2025), I contacted a physiotherapist specializing in spinal cord injuries.  I participated in water (pool) therapy and a few clinic sessions but found little improvement.  As these were self-pay, it was not feasible to continue without noticeable results. 

That brings us to last year, perhaps August of 2025, where I began to realize I was struggling to stand up, braced by my power-chair, which I could do with little effort in the years after 2022.

April of 2026: Again I experienced painful spasms in my right leg which again tried to take the leg to where it was not possible anatomically.  It had my wince in pain when each spasm struck.  This time, however, the spasms which came on during the evening hours, lasted through May and into June when, I believe they have for the most part subsided.  My right leg, however, has not recovered and I find it difficult to lift if from the floor.

What does my doctor say about that?  I gave up on telling my family physician(s) anything,  They had dismissed my spasms in 2022 but humoured my by sending me for a few cursory tests which basically told them that I was a paraplegic.  Duh!  Doctors, I believe do not think outside their textbooks and are quick to write a script or offer a referral.

In summation, I notice that my strength, flexibility and tautness (ability to stand without wavering) continues to deteriorate.  My right leg continues to be weaker than the left though since my initial injury they had provided the same strength.  I can only wonder what function will I lose next.

I continue to have spasms which come on in the evening and can last until one a.m. next morning or so.  They are annoying, repetitive contractions but few are as painful as those just described.  Left sciatic hip pain continues to plague me as if the devil is pounding a hot nail into my hip joint.  Burning neurogenic pain continues unabated from the knees to the toes.  I've torn two tendons in my shoulders which the orthopedic surgeon says he can't do anything about.  I have arthritis in my right thumb and perhaps developing in my fingers - not to mention "trigger finger" contractions in both hands' middle fingers.

Pain is all I know but want no more pills added to the soup of medications I take three times daily.

I'm weaning myself off the CBD oil which I mistakenly believe had made a difference in my life.  If it had, it no longer seems to have any effect.  Perhaps I deceived myself - a false self-induced placebo effect as I so desperately wanted some relief.

I really look forward to my end of days.

(too tired to add links to previous relevant posts)