Frustration: What Happened to Me?

 Part Two:  What Happened?  Some Improvement.

In the previous post I wrote about the massive spasms I endured on the nights of April 6th & 7th, 2022.  So devastating that the night-long spasms attempted to tear my right leg from its hip joint.  My left the leg was so sprained from the repeated contractions that it would collapse beneath me if I placed any weight upon it--particularly if I tried to swivel upon it, suggesting the piriformis muscle may have been involved.

Though I could step into our family vehicle the week before, I could no longer do so a week later--or now months later.  Winter lethargy could not account for it as I had been able to step into our vehicle for the last 15 years or so.  Old age too does not descend from the heavens to land upon one in a weeks time.

My family doctor at that time told me it was nothing serious and that I should just rest, though I had rested all winter.  To humour me, he sent me for an ultrasound which, as I suspected, showed no abnormality.  

While strength in that leg did slowly return over the next couple of months, my flexibility and in particular my stability did not return to the pre-April 2022 event level.  That inability became compounded by self-doubt to such a degree that I fear making more attempts to get into our vehicle, proving that I cannot.

Just when I was about to once more contact my doctor, I received a letter in the mail stating that he was leaving his practice and there was no candidate available willing to take over his practice.  He was kind enough to provide me with a year full of prescription renewals prior to leaving.  I had this doctor for less than a year and a half.  I left a request with the family group practice that if a new doctor joined their clinic and accepted new patients, to please contact me.

It was almost a year later that I received a call from the clinic that they had a new doctor,  I went to the "meet-and-greet" and repeated my "April" story.  The doctor booked me for several tests, some related to my "April" episode.  This was at the tail end of Covid and with backlogs or usual long waits, the tests would be the following year.

I had been scheduled for an EMG test (Electromyography) to detect nerve, muscle and related signal transmission problems.  I wondered what this test was supposed to show for, as far as I know, there was no baseline taken after my initial injury which resulted in paralysis.  One would have to compare the "after" to the "before" to see what had changed which may account for my recent problems.  The Neurologist looked at the results and in essence told me that I was a paraplegic.  Oh, so that's why my legs haven't worked for the last fifteen years or so.  Thanks, that explains it!

 I was also booked for an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging).  I can only speculate as to why he ordered this expensive test.  Did he have something in mind or was it just a shot in the dark.  My layman's reasoning had me thinking that a problem at this level would remain or worsen but not slowly improve (though not to my original ability).

The results from tests ordered by this doctor had yet to come in when I received an e-mail this time informing me that my doctor of about five months was leaving his practice.  I had met him only once at the "meet-and-greet" session when he placed these orders (though I did meet him before his departure to go over the EMG results.  He concurred with my observation, that there was no baseline to which the new results could be compared.  The test told him nothing,

However, this time around, another doctor was prepared to pick up his practice.  I received an invitation for my third meet-and-greet session for my third of four doctors in less than five years.  In fact, I didn't meet the doctor but was interview by his clinical assistant.  So much for cultivating a rapport with your family physician.  Find any doctor accepting new patients and hope they remain long enough to see them twice.

Well, finally I received a phone call from what I gathered was another clinical assistant with the MRI results.  I was told I had a bone-spur which was causing all my spasms and that I should be booked for immediate surgery.  I was told to keep taking my baclofen (spasms) and gabapentin (nerve pain).  Keep taking them??  Did they not read my intake notes stating I was a paraplegic and would be on these two medications for life (unless something better was developed).  A bone spur?  Bull-sh*t!

My new family physician, (4th in 5 yrs) also phoned me with the results.  I had yet to meet him but he spoke at a moderate pace and most of all, he listened.  I told him my doubts regarding the MRI interpretation.  Was the MRI doctor (neurologist?) misreading the healing of my original spinal injury for some new problem or did I actually have a bone spur?  My new family doctor did not act on the MRI results forwarded to him leaving me to believe that I was correct,  The MRI was misread.  No bone spur; no operation.  At least that's what I currently understand.

That's how things now stand.  I've not recovered to pre-April 2022 levels of strength, stability and confidence.  My family doctor had not ordered any follow-up tests or procedures to get to the bottom of what really happened that April and what, if anything can be done to improve my ability.  He's made a stab at it and with negative results; I suspect he's willing to drop it unless I demand more.  I suppose it's up to the patient these days to keep returning and pounding away at the clinic door, demanding new tests in order to answer "what the hell happened to me."  ["Oh, you still want me to diagnose your problem?"]

The bottom line is this:  For the last fifteen years, previous to April 2022, I was able to roll up to and step into our family vehicle.  My wife would drive me to wherever I (or we) wanted to go.  After April 2022, I could no longer step into our vehicle.  As such I am dependent on local disability transport which comes with its own set of problems.  The result is that I have been out of my house (off the property) only twelve (12) times in the last 16 months (over a year and a half) and all the trips have been for medical appointments.

In my home I have access to four rooms: my bed room, living room, kitchen and bathroom.  I try to minimize the time I spend in the last two.

Quality of life has taken another tremendous hit.  More on this to follow.

 

Setback: Okay, what happened?

Part 1: Okay, what the heck happened to me?

Covid was waning and life was beginning to return to normal.  I had been vaccinated--twice, and never did catch the virus.

I had broken a tooth which necessitated a trip to my out-of-town dentist on March 31, 2022.  So I transfer to my manual wheelchair and roll up to our van.  I open the door, grab the hand-hold on the frame, haul my leg in first followed by my bottom.  I close the door; wife folds up the chair and places it in back, and we're off.

My dentist of some 30 years is accommodating.  I roll up to her bench and step over to it so that the repairs can commence.  It's the reverse going home.  Simple, no?

Less than a week later on the night of April 6th, 2022, I suddenly get such severe spasms that I think the devil is trying to dis-articulate my femur from my hip socket.  I scream not only from each unexpected explosive action that tries to take my right leg further than what is anatomically possible, but also the resulting pain.

Again, and again, and again - every 15 to 20 seconds or so the excruciating contraction repeats.  A contraction so strong that I cannot push my right knee down with both hands and all my might to straighten my leg until the spasm releases.

My wife hears my cries from another room. - I swear at God, the devil or to any other entity who might listen--that I can blame--that I can plead for sympathy, for relief.  Nothing...

This goes on until dawn.  I'm exhausted.  I get up and have coffee for what else can I do?  Dawn seems to have brought some relief.

April 7, 2022:  The nuclear spasms return in earnest the following night.  Explode, scream, release, swear, then repeat til dawn.

You've heard of suicide by cop, have you not?  I was trying suicide by God. I swore and insulted God in the most vile manner--even inventing new words for I had used up my most filthy vocabulary -words which would make a long-shore-man blush, and still found them insufficient to get my anger, my desperation, my helplessness, my hopelessness across.  Perhaps in his anger he would take me, but to where?  I was already in hell.  How much worse could it get?  Would four flaming horsemen of the acropolis apocalypse ride their steeds up my ass or would I just have to clean Hitler's latrine for eternity.  End it, please!!!

April 8, 2022: There was no repeat of the previous two nights.  Oh, I still get spasms nightly but they are gentler--like trying to kick the ceiling light fixture from where it had been installed.  Those destroy me as well, but they take longer - like trying to blow your brains out using a hair-dryer.

The result was that my right leg was absolutely sprained.  I could no longer raise it of the ground.  While my left leg raised straight in front of me could stay rigid and taut, the right leg was sore, sprained and would bounce when I attempted to raise it.

I could not put weight on that leg to transfer to my bed, or to the toilet or to any other surface.  It would collapse beneath me.  I had to slide across, drag myself over or devise some other means to change surfaces.

My doctor offered sympathy but no possible explanation for my episode.  He told me to go home and rest.  Go home and rest!! Well doctor, that's what I had been doing all winter long.  Winter lethargy doesn't materialize in one week--between March 31 and April 6.  Old age too does not drop out of the sky overnight.  My doctor sent me for an ultrasound to humour me.  It showed no abnormalities as I suspected.  He was off the hook.

Well, the leg did improve to some degree but I could no longer raise it high enough to step into our van.  I would lift my leg up and immediately fall back into my wheelchair.  Had more damage been done than I (and the good doctor) realized?  Had I just lost my confidence?  What?

More to follow in the next post.