Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Last Day of Summer 2016

Permobil Chair has not broken down in the last month.  I find that surprising.

What changed in year nine post injury to cause those massive 'Atomic' spasms to begin.  Previous to year nine, spasms would occur, most commonly in the evening, then run their tormenting course and leave me alone until the following evening.

In my ninth year - post injury, spasms still occurred during the evening hours but now they were so powerful and violent that I felt I was being disjointed - femur ripped right out of the hip socket with each massive spontaneous contraction.  The pain is excruciating!!

Prior to year nine, spasms primarily occur in the evenings but once they dissipated and died off, the would allow me to sleep uninterrupted until morning.  Now they can also occur, most often between 2:00 am and 4:00 am.  The generally do not wake me. I wake on my own to shift and change position which tends to trigger them.  Once started, they build in frequency and intensity until they die out, most likely hours later.  It is impossible to sleep or get any rest for that matter when one leg or the other (left is the worst) contracts so violently that it threatens to pitch me from bed.  You also can't use a laptop or read or do any other meaningful task while they are throwing you about.

My wife is out of town currently for an extended stay which now allows me to let out those screams of painful torment when my left leg tries to tear itself from my hip-joint.  The sciatic nerve also becomes either pinched or stretched adding further misery with each contraction.  Contractions every 3 to 10 seconds, violently, painfully, for hours on end.  It feels good to scream rather than to clench my teeth and grimace from a pain that brings tears to the eyes.

I feel that any effect the Baclofen had on my spasms has been lost. Do I find some neurologist and request a Baclofen pump?  It seems that the only ineffective treatment is to constantly increase the dosage.  An every increasing dosage that races your increasingly resistant pain to your most welcome grave.

I slept through last night.  The two nights previous, spasms kept me from sleep - both days between 2:00 am and 4:00 am.  Daylight doesn't wait!  What will tonight bring?

I stopped living long ago.  I exist...

*  *  *

No comments: